Not For Fragile Hearts!

well let's see, this blog's content have been floating in my head forming hundreds of disconnected sentences that up to this moment failed to have that sense of coherence a reader would find in any blog. But since my blog stats denote that  65% of my readers are from Australia and 23% are from China 3% scattered between Russia and Europe and the rest are in Jordan, which are probably mine, then why on earth should I be coherent for a so incoherent Audience which might be comprised of 10 or less people? lets face it; my blogs are not informative, they are not going to mess up somebody's life let alone change one!  so here you go a blog of incoherent mostly trivial Ideas that have been boggling my mind for a while and being  me says that I walk it off and write it off, because talking it off well ummm is not productive!

so our lovely community is made up of people those people share a common belief sometimes or a common something that makes them a community. those beliefs grow and maybe change through time which negates the soul of the word belief! so midst that noise there is always an even noisier voice in my head that has a problem or a gift, I don't know, that is called: "NO I DON'T GET WOWED EASILY AND I THINK IN A TWISTED WAY THAT YOU WON'T REALLY GET" so my "NO I DON'T GET WOWED EASILY AND I THINK IN A TWISTED WAY THAT YOU WON'T REALLY GET" brain was observing for the last couple of years the uprising of the Jordanian entrepreneurs, artists, volunteering movements and so many other frenzies in Amman and said: wow! that must be something everyone in here are awesome and great, all are good and important all share great beliefs, aha moments; that really got me into a place where I started seeing a friggin bumper sticker up everybody's brain, so that what ever they blurt whatever they do all I see are bad versions of Oprah Winfrey caking herself into our brains playing bad violin back ground music and feeding us bull*** so everyone is so important, so good and so.. well bumper-stickery!!

yes we do live right now in a bumper-stickerized community that thinks they are oh so awesome and oh so cool, oh so individualized and oh so going to change the world. so karma-philic, Oprah Winfric and so so sickening to me now! I used to be immersed in that world as well, not so long ago I used to be a bumper sticker on two legs then one day I looked myself in the eye and found out that I really think that I need to be more selfish, more trivial and more opposite!

dear my so incoherent reader, I don't expect any of the above to make sense because I am not trying to make any,  I don't think you are important, nor do I think I am, I am me and you are you, our level of importance is not of importance, our satisfactions, dreams, desires, love, hatred, disappointments are supposed to be treated like eating and taking dumps, just let them pass through. if one day you feel like baring your so called soul just do it, but bear in mind that by doing so you are not getting more important nor enlightening someone else's path. the world is not waiting you nor anyone else to make it more important at least my world.


sincerely,
Mayse!


To be Continued..or not!

Nostalgia....

For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling so eerily nostalgic. Many things from the past have been pacing back and forth in my head . what's eerie is that I get nostalgic to times that I have never been contemporary with. then a poem for Elizabeth Barrett Browning came to my mind when I heard Bruno Mars's song 'the way you are" and how he expresses his love to the girl that made mostly every girl go awww! and lately all I could think of is this poem and the difference in the word's of a world that is way simpler yet way more deep and thorough than our high tech, fast paced society. I'll leave it for you to do the comparison here is the song that made the girls swoon:

and here is Mrs Browning's take on "the way you are" in the 1800s

Sonnet 14 - If thou must love me, let it be for nought by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

I am not attacking the song, it is sweet and the guy means well, but I believe the latter- for me- hits home and makes me nostalgic, eerily, to a place in my head leaving nothing but a content smile on my mouth and an approving nod.  if I may say!! :) 

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling

SMILE! :)

Sir Ken Robinson: Do schools kill creativity?

open your eyes, and see the world!

The Love poems of Rumi.

For my 19th birthday A friend of mine got me a book called "The love poems of Rumi" I read many poems in that book, but until yesterday, 4 years later, I actually felt the poems. I didn't really feel  the love but I felt the yearning for that beautiful feeling of love, and at first I was in pain! 


Here are two different poems that gave me the chills and made my eyes watery!


                                        " Both light and shadow are the dance of Love.

Love has no cause, it is the astrolabe of God's secrets.

Lover and loving are inseparable and timeless.

Although I may try to describe love,

when I experience it, I am speechless.

Although I may try to write about love, I am rendered helpless. 

My pen breaks, and the paper slips away

at the ineffable place where lover loving and loved are one.

Every moment is made glorious by the light of Love."

Do You Love Me? by Rumi

"A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more
than you love me?

The beloved replied,
I have died to myself
and I live for you.

I’ve disappeared from myself
and my attributes.
I am present only for you.

I have forgotten all my learning,
but from knowing you
I have become a scholar.

I have lost all my strength,
but from your power
I am able.

If I love myself
I love you.
If I love you
I love myself."

the greatest thing about Rumi is that he writes about love, the pain of love, what goes inside a lover's mind and the endless yet sweetest sacrifices of love in a way that weaves the reader into a love story even if the reader,like myself, has never been loved or in love! Rumi makes you think of all the other "loves" in your life, all the great things that make you feel great, that make you smile and nod. For me the sight of my parents and small children are great loves of mine, they are my own loves , even if they are not a storming romance but that's what Rumi states, maybe without intention, that love is not Romance! that it is more pure and way higher.

Yes, the poems make me realize what I am missing; something so great something out of this world, an epic feeling, epic bond, and an epic yet pure desire. However with such cruel realization I feel warmth, yes his writings speak with warmth and with every tear my heart gets cleansed from it's cruelty because when you and the words of Rumi are bound there is no room for cruelty... only love.

the 2nd poem I will call it mine for that's how I want to be loved, and that's how I'll love you...whoever you are! 

Situation

Sit·u·a·tionNoun/ˌsiCHo͞oˈāSHən/

1. A set of circumstances in which one finds oneself; a state of affairs.

2. The location and surroundings of a place.

Above is the Merriam Webster's definition of the word situation. I want to go further into analyzing this small word that the metamorphosis of which added to me leaded to a state of utter oblivion!

- 1. A set of circumstances in which one finds oneself:

what if you don't actually FIND yourself? what if you are air-headed and you don't really grasp the circumstances leading to complete detachment of the so called location or surroundings of the place which are mentioned above as a second meaning of the word thus being un-found? what does that make you?

- 2.The location and surroundings of a place.

well, that's tricky; what if you are not sure of the place, and the surroundings are a total blur? what if all of the places and their so called endless surroundings don't hold your being, don't embrace it and relentlessly expelling the shadows of the affairs being developed to create a vivid understanding for the so called situation?

life is a situation in the happening, a mere huge body of ever evolving, happening or past situations. But what if your "states" are unstated and your "affairs" are a blur? What if your circumstances aren't falling into place and yourself is detached from them as if you are just a beholder no more? where does that leave you?

I think a new word should be added to the dictionary:

Un-situation: a state where situations don't apply and fail to take place, when your places and surroundings are a mere background gone unrealized. a state where states don't take place and life fails to commence because you are not grasping anything and everything seems in need to be re-figured, re attached and re- placed!

"If you can keep your head about you when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation" Jean Kerr

Mayse Al-Kilany
Amman

9.11.2011

Mr. Twain And I!

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." - Mark Twain

15 years ago I was introduced to Mr. twain. I was at my dad's clinic eager to go home, my dad saw that one last patient and I stormed out of the building with boredom left behind. On our way to the car - which was parked 2 streets away- I stopped at my favorite place, the library at the corner of the street . I was and still am a huge fan of stationary; colored pens, name tags, pencil cases, fancy rubber ( the one that had two sides one for pens and other for pencils, though I never used pens until 8th grade, but I always loved to be ready!) So I entered the library just to explore the shelves with their many colorful goods. and I saw a book stand, on it were hardcover books with a similar caption: "International Novels" that was so catchy for a girl as inquisitive as myself, but what really caught my eye is a book titled: The adventures of huckleberry Finn. The name was so familiar because at the time The adventures of Tom Sawyer was my favorite cartoon and Huck, as we all know, was Tom's best friend.

Not knowing, at that time, that Tom Sawyer's cartoon was based on a novel; I was amazed to find Huck's name on a book. I still remember how thrilled I was when I picked that book up flipped it and read what was written on the back:

"This book captures the adventure of Huck Finn with his best friend Tom sawyer and their loyal friends"

It was a children's simplified version of the book, but that caption sealed the deal for me. I would be able to know what happens in the cartoon even before they air it! I get to know Tom more, more than everyone maybe more than the T.V series itself, really that what made me buy the book!

I fell in love with the book, the images that I had in my head for Huck and Tom, for Jimm the "nigger" for all the characters of the book were The greatest things that happened to me. I fell in love with the book and afterwards with reading!

I went back to that library many many times, buying other books for Mr. Twain. I knew the Mississippi at the age of 9, I sailed with them down that river many times and alone in my head it flowed endlessly.

Thanks to Mr. Twain I dreamed of going there someday, of rowing through a river, of living in a tree house and of making justice. He instilled his world into my mind and adventure into my heart.

Now every time I start reading a book I remember the face my mind imagined for Huck Finn 15 years ago, I remember how intoxicated I felt back then, how happy, eager and exited.

15 years later I read this quote above for Mr. Twain and I smile because his words are still tackling my heart, and that makes me glad because what touched my heart back then still does right now; after all of this time I am still the 9 year old eager for freedom, eager for life!